East Bound & Down

There's a tornado of thoughts and feelings whirling in my mind...well there was. Then I saw the blankness of this posting page.........silence. Sigh. Where to begin. Looks like Nathaniel will be taking the trucking job for sure now. He'll be working 2 weeks on and 4 days off for a year. Neither of us is really enjoying this. He called my Dad and his to find out their opinion's. Each said to go for it. The money is good as are the benefits. Nathaniel is worried. Not about learning a new skill but about Geof and me. I'm trying to keep a smile on my face simply for the fact that it makes this decision easier on him.

I know, I know some wives would be dancing the happy jig. Nathaniel and I went through a lot in the beginning of our marriage. Unplanned pregnancy, deciding to abort, me deciding against it, having a kid, not really liking each other all that well, being 20 years old, etc. We're back to normal now. The first year of our marriage was hell. We've both blocked it out which is good. There were times when we didn't think we would make it. But we did. We value each other too much and our son. We are very proud of making it through...without therapy! I can't imagine going to two solid weeks without seeing him. Sure, he'll be able to email and call, but I won't be able to feel his warmth, smell him, or rub his prickly bald head! I've spent the last 6 months with him at home. Now I'll only see him for 4 days out of every month, that's only 48 days out of an entire year! On the upside, sex will be fantastic! Knowing my luck, however, the 4 days he's home I'll be on the damn rag!

...sigh...

Part of me wants to cry, but the other is numb. I'm not sad or scared just apprehensive and a little worried. Life's an adventure I guess. We'll just have to see how this one turns out.

Guess I should study up on my CB vernacular...maybe I should rent Smokey & the Bandit! Ha!

Uncomfortably Numb

When did life turn to shit? Do you know? Nathaniel told me tonight that he feels he has failed us. This is so far from the truth, but I cannot convince him otherwise. He is my hero. He saved me from the depths of a dark depression and carried me through. He is 23 years old, has the work ethic of someone not from this generation. He's honest, caring, trustworthy, loving...but he feels he has failed at being the "bread winner." I'm not hungry, neither is our son and we have clothing on our backs and a roof over our heads. This is not the product of failure. He's hurting right now, ashamed. I am his wife and I feel his pains, he thinks I do not, but we are one. I'm at a loss as to how to help him. I know we'll make it through. Maybe that's the optimist in me. We've come too far to run away.

I remember a time when we were carefree. We could sit for hours staring at a flower pondering the depths of it's beauty. We've grown numb. Not towards each other or the son we share, but towards life and the inevitable heartache. I mourn the loss of our youth.

I Love It When...

...I go to the grocery store and everything on my list is on sale...yeah, that's cool. Geesh, I am a dork.

You Might Be A Redneck If...

I may become a living "Redneck" joke. My husband was laid off from work in September. He signed up for unemployment benefits and has been actively searching for work ever since. Unfortunately, he has had no luck. Our local economy is shit. He had an interview a few weeks ago and he really felt the job would be great for him, plus the pay was good as were the benefits. The interviewer said that he would be in touch with my husband the following week to let him know either way about the job. It's been 2.5 weeks now and still no word. Hubby's unemployment runs out sometime this month. The last resort would be training for a CDL and driving a truck. I'm not thrilled about this prospect at all. I would be home alone with our young son for extended periods of time. We have only one vehicle which is a 1976 Cutlass. Long story short about the car...we bought it for $200 from the grandmother of a friend of mine. It was to be a "project" car for my husband. We also had at the time a little Geo. The day after we bought the Cutlass I was in the Geo with my son who at the time was about 2 months old. We were just around the corner from our home at an intersection where an old lady had a stroke, ran a red light, and t-boned us totaling the car. What luck, eh. Since then the Cutlass has been our family car. Granted it's been fairly reliable thus far, but it helps that hubby has some mechanical knowledge...I on the other hand do not. I'm learning however as things go wrong with the car and we fix them ourselves. I just don't want to be stranded somewhere with just me and my son. We don't have any family close to us for me to call upon. I really hope hubby doesn't have to drive a truck. Granted, from what I hear the money is decent, but I'm not a fan of being alone. We'll just see.

In other semi stressing news...My son had a regularly scheduled appointment with his pediatrician over a month ago. He had to be tested for lead again which was normal procedure. The results were to be in within 2-4 weeks...I still haven't heard anything. I'm going to call first thing in the morning. The first time he was tested for lead was at his one year well baby check up. The results came back kind of high. He had to be retested. This time instead of a finger prick the blood was drawn from a vein in his arm...he wasn't happy about that. Again, his levels were high, but not high enough to be overly concerned (according to the county) I still freaked the fuck out! He was to be tested again a via blood from his arm a certain amount of time later. His levels had come down to the high side of acceptable. We have no idea how this could have happened...unless our previous landlord was less than truthful about the water tests. We didn't stay there very long. STUPID BITCH!!

At any rate. That's what's on my plate...how 'bout yours?

Blazing Balls of Gas

I was bored today so I decided to take the juvenile route for entertainment. I went to Yahoo! and did an image search for "fart" and this is what I found...

Click on the picture for a lesson on the flammability of flatulent gas...complete with pictures! It's very...um...inspiring? I am in no way related to this person, nor do I know where he lives or anything about him. I just happened to stumble across his contribution to cyberspace. Enjoy!!

An Ode To Soda

I am not a health nut. I enjoy sodas. I'm not obsessed, like I couldn't drink a 2 liter a day or anything, but I do enjoy a refreshing soda every now and then. Here are my favorites...


"Nectar of the Carolinas" Kinda like a Cherry Coke I guess, this was my favorite as a kid.

This isn't sold where I live so when we make the trek to visit my husband's family in Illinois, we make room in the trunk for about 6 cases. Here's a website devoted to the drink.

"Obey your thirst" I'm sure you've had this before.

I couldn't find a neat slogan or website for this one. I'm enjoying 20oz of this soda right now. It reminds me of summer....aaaaaahhhhhhhhh

Ok, I'm done. That wasn't as cool as I thought it would be. Oh well.

Go "Car-naws"!! Go "Why-nine"!!

What the fuck, you say upon reading the above post title? Read on, it will make sense...eventually. It is that time of year again. The winding down of basketball season and the start of baseball. I could take it or leave it although I did admit the other day to my husband that I actually kinda sorta maybe missed baseball a little bit...maybe. Ok, yeah I did miss it. I enjoy watching the games and all but the greatest joy I get out of our nations favorite past time is the bond I witness between my husband and our 2 year old son. I guess that's why it's called the "national past time", because traditionally fathers and sons and/or daughters would come together to watch a game. It really does my heart good to see this tradition continue in our home.

My husband grew up in Southern Illinois near Carbondale listening to Cardinal games on KMOX out of St Louis. He is a Cardinal's fan through and through. Now my son is a fan by blood and I'm a fan by marriage. At any rate...we now live in the western portion of the fine state of North Carolina somewhat out of reach of Nathaniel's beloved KMOX. After a day of research and crawling around in a hot attic last spring, this problem has been remedied. Now, if we can't watch a game on tv we can listen on the radio. Geof, our son, loves to cheer on his favorite players saying, "GO CAR-NAWS!!!" "Go Cardinals" for those of you out there without "2-year-old" as a second language.

Nathaniel also went to school at University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign where he honed his skills at cheering on the fighting Illini. He was the "Head Banger Guy" at the hockey games and the "Pumpkin Head Guy" at the football games and possibly some basketball games, I'm not sure. He was once interviewed by ESPN as the Pumpkin Head Man. Yeah, his blood flows red, blue, and orange. He is really enjoying the success that the Illini basketball team is having this year and so is Geof. Geof loves his Illini as well. He will cheer on his team with, "GO WHY-NINE!!!" Yup, you guessed it, that is 2-year-old for "Go Illini!" It's been a fairly exciting time around our house lately and I'm loving every minute of it!

If You Think Your Life's Unfair...

I found this blog

this evening via: BlogExplosion. After soaking a tissue or three I decided that I would share it. I won't go into detail...just click the button.

Home Again

I love my parents and all but we've traveled to see them every weekend for the past 4 weeks! They only live an hour and a half away, but it's nice to get back home. We had a reason for each visit, however. This last trip was to help out around the house after Dad got out of the hospital. He's diabetic and lost both legs below the knee because of it. He had to have about an inch of bone taken from the end of his left stump and now he's in a cast. We didn't have to stay very long at all. He was very mobile from the beginning. I was pleasantly surprised with that. Mom has to work long hours so she can't be home to help. Now if he could just get on disability. Yeah, the man hasn't had any legs for several years now and still our beloved government refuses to help him out. Due to health problems he hasn't been able to work since 1996. My parents have depleted any life savings they had and now Mom has to work her ass off and still the ends aren't meeting. Luckily my grandfather has been able to help along the way, but this can't continue for ever. Dad has applied and been denied disability benefits two or three times now. The last time he hired a lawyer and appealed the decision. Some time last year he was approved but now they have to cut through all the red tape and utter bullshit. Apparently they're having a hard time trying to decide exactly when he became disabled. FUCK THE GOVERNMENT!!! My father was always a hard worker, paid his taxes on time, never in trouble with the law, superb husband to my mother and a wonderful father to my sister and me. This poor man has been shit on from the time he was born! Sigh...what can ya do?

Hot Coffee Comin' Through!

Well, poor Geof got a face full of hot coffee. We were in the kitchen, Nathaniel set his fresh cuppa joe on the counter and I was facing the opposite wall preparing Geof's breakfast. I hear Geof come in and say, "Daddy's coffee!" I knew exactly what would happen next so I spin around only to see that he already had the coffee in hand and was pouring it all down the side of his face, neck, and chest! I snatched him up and soaked him down with cold water. He didn't really enjoy any of this the hot or the cold. I dried him off and slathered aloe over his burns. Luckily the coffee wasn't on him long enough to cause a severe burn, but it was red for a little while. By that afternoon it had cleared up. The whole time I was soaking him with the water I was standing in the steamy puddle of coffee burning my feet so I can imagine how painful it was for him. There's nothing more gut wrenching than seeing your child screaming in pain...nothing!

It's My Birthday And I'll Drink If I Want To!

So today is the 23rd anniversary of my birth. Yay. It feels like a rum & coke kind of night. Actually, it's more like a vanilla flavored rum and cherry pepsi, but I think I can work with that.

The above artwork was done by Allyn Howard visit her site to purchase some art!